Direction
- dfrancisbunting
- Feb 15
- 5 min read
By: David F. Bunting
I am now engrossed in walking culture and find that wherever I am walking to, I find time to reflect and even think about new things to write or stories to tell. Walking is what has been keeping me somewhat sane, and I now know why so many people just want to get outside and take a hike. Outside of Boy Scouts growing up, I was not much of an outdoorsman. I much preferred enjoying the weather from inside while enjoying a good book, a cup of coffee or tea, a vinyl record, and video games – of which I play far too many of.
I walk everywhere! Town, to the new gaming and card shop I frequent, work. I’ve even come accustomed to changing my shoes and wearing proper walking shoes on my adventures to prevent pain. YES… I said it pain (These almost twenty-six-year-old bones aren’t what they used to be)!
It has been, to say the least, interesting living and working in the UK and although I have not been here an exceptionally long time, I have noticed that the minor differences can sometimes feel like a chasm. The language is different, acronyms are all different, the people don’t usually smile on their daily commutes, and there is never any sunshine in the winter! The list is much larger, but for this nerdy and eclectic American, it has been challenging navigating some of these differences… especially in the workplace. I can say this for certain, the rumor that it rains EVERY day is heavily dramatized by the Brits.
For many of you, I have not had the proper time to update you on my life, simply because I am slammed at my new job. I started as a Personal Progress Tutor at Bexhill 6th Form College in October, and it has been nothing short of a whirlwind. I can spin this to make it sound positive, but unfortunately it is not the best job on the planet. This is where I feel a bit stuck and is kind of the point of today’s blog post… Direction.
Recently my head has been spinning and my mind has felt exceptionally heavy due to all of the thoughts I have been having surrounding work, hobbies, feeling like I am not progressing, hating my body, etcetera… etcetera. However, on my way to work I noticed a funny little natural occurrence and had to share.
My morning started off as usual, waking up far too early, dragging myself to shower, then stare at the wardrobe hoping an outfit would somehow jump out at me, slowly making my way downstairs to pour my morning cup of jitter bean juice (yes… I call coffee that), and then make my way out of the door by 7:25 a.m. so I can be forty-five minutes early to work (After Typing that and then reading it back to myself… I really am a lunatic! But in my defense, I enjoy having my breakfast at work and slowly breaking myself into the day, which now involves a lot of administrative tasks and less teaching).
As I reached the midway point of Belle Hill - I now know the meaning of walking uphill to and from work - I happened to look away from Pokémon Go and see a stick in the shape of an arrow. This arrow meant
absolutely nothing to me at first, “oh! That was a cool stick.” I said to myself right before my brain sent me into one of those wild goose chases to find a reason or an interpretation for what is probably nothing. But I have found that it is often the little things that make us think critically about our lives and feelings.
I have had a month from hell… could it have been worse, sure, but my emotions have been acutely strong of late. This has caused me to be unhappy at most points of my day and has even lingered into my personal life. My husband and everyone around me have commented on it, and although I have tried to improve my mood through self-care and reflection, nothing really helps. I haven’t been pursuing my hobbies, and I have gotten NOWHERE on that novel that I am attempting to write. I have even considered changing jobs in order to earn more money, and as much as this pains me to type, my husband is probably right in speculating it’d be a job I’d loathe. I just feel stuck. Going through the motions, day-in and day-out, over and over again the same thing. Feeling a lack of direction and looking for purpose is something that affects everyone, and for whatever reason I have fallen victim to it this very cold and wet January.
You’d probably think I’d enjoy a slowdown after two weddings, doing a bit of globetrotting, and moving to a whole new country, but I cannot seem to shake this feeling that there is more on the horizon for me. On a slightly more positive note, I am attempting to go to the gym frequently and I have signed up for therapy, But all of these little wins don’t seem to break this melancholy feeling. I feel like the lack of sunshine and it being the middle of winter has had its toll on my well being.
I know that this is completely normal, and I know that many people my age go through the exact same feelings. This is, of course, the challenge… getting through. Getting through… those two little words are so problematic, but I think it explains the emotions and feelings of so many people at this moment in time. We have all heard the old expression, “Life is shit, and then you die!” but is that really what we have come to expect out of life?
I may not have much wisdom to offer those who feel the same, but I know that things have to get better. And as sickeningly sweet as that sounds on paper, the pendulum has to swing back. There will always be some goodness that prevails, even if these gifts seem small. If there is anything I have learned, when you’re flat on your back, the only way is up. Regardless as to whether or not your stress may be from the tense political climate across the globe, personal finances, or relationship drama, it is key to remember that there are good things to hang on to even if your day seems hard and you’re walking uphill both ways to and from work… keep striving and keep going! If you’re not singing Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush I haven’t done my job. You’re Welcome!
In other news, I am hoping to start posting some poetry on this blog and prioritizing this space for reflection. I hope to get at least a chapter done in my novel as I am off work this week for the half-term holidays. I now know that my masters degree will be finished in August and I cannot wait for it all to be over! At least I’ll have a fancy new robe to hoover in! I cannot promise it won’t be another few weeks before a check in, but I will certainly try my hardest. Always remember that your life has a purpose and a direction, even if you cannot see it.
Love, light, and joy to you all!
All the best from your American abroad,
David
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